The night before we got married...

we thought we knew it all. We thought we knew each other...soooo well.

The night before at our wedding dinner: Brett, Ryan, Steph, Heather, Cade, me, John, Jayson

Reality is as much as you think you know someone before you get married...you don't. I mean seriously there are some things you just can't know until you marry them. I lucked out. When it comes to things that really matter...John and I are on the same page and that makes our life a lot easier. It helps that we were raised valuing the same things. I am not saying we have marriage figured out by any means. Anything in life that is worth anything takes effort.

We are still learning everyday but I look back at the picture above and think of how much we have grown together since then and I SMILE.

Happy Anniversary! 8 years and counting...

Forever 29!

Oh 29, the coveted age that people try to stay forever. Maybe because it's the last year of your twenties...your physical peak. I am definitely not at my physical peak in my current state and don't wish to stay forever pregnant. I am not feeling witty or creative today but I wanted to document this day. I have to admit that 29 is a little hard for me to swallow. I had a very low key birthday with my family since all my friends are on vacation until after the baby comes. John made an awesome strawberry shortcake with fresh whipped cream.

The 4th...parade and fireworks

Waiting for the parade in the HEAT!

My kids realized that parades are better than Halloween...the candy comes to you!

We got eaten alive by mosquitoes watching the fireworks! MISERY!

Proud to be an American...

Happy Fourth of July!

A Break to the Breakers

Usually we go back west to visit our family during this month since John has it completely off (no mandatory workouts). I can't exactly travel because I am a PLANET so we have made it our mission to explore Florida and vacation around here since there is so much of Florida we haven't seen. We headed up to West Palm Beach to the Breakers resort since they have great rates during the week and amenities that will make your heads spin. Our friends, the Jones, were there too so of course John got in some golf with Donnie while Aubrie and I went to the spa and the kids had a ball at day camp.

I didn't take that many pics. John, however, has made it his personal mission to take pics of me everywhere without me knowing to capture my belly "for posterity". And since you all aren't my posterity, I am not posting them.

Dinner...kids eat free!

Ice cream...



We did a little snorkeling with the kids because the water was so clear. You should have seen Brock's face when he saw fish with his goggles. I saw a huge sting ray that freaked me out because all I could think about was Steve Irwin.

They had an awesome Family center with a movie theater, activities, and arcade. Here is Austin showing us one of his many dress up outfits at the Family center.

I can't believe it has been a year since my sister Sandra passed away. In many ways it feels like yesterday. The year mark is a date that I have been dreading. It just jars up so many memories. Although I am pretty open on my blog when it comes to showing emotion in person I am very private. Most of my tears about Sandra have been shed on my pillow at night unknown to even my husband. Sometimes it is easier for me to write my feelings out. For some reason we tend to couple grieving with the memory of our loved ones. We feel like if we stop grieving we aren't remembering that person. I have learned over this past year that is not true.

When you lose a loved one it's human nature to think of the last thing that you said to that person. I can't remember what that was. What I do remember is the last memory we had together. A month before she died all of us sisters and sister-in-laws met in Utah to attend Women's conference for my mom's 70th birthday.

May 2008 at Shelly's house - It was Julie's birthday but somehow Sandra ended up in the middle of the picture.

We all stayed all my sister Shelly's house. It was a full house so that night we dibbed where and with whom we were sleeping. Julie is notorious for being a wild sleeper (sorry it's true) so I immediately chose Sandra as the safe bet to share a bed. Little did I know that Sandra had been suffering from insomnia. In fact, there were a couple of warning signs that I guess we should have seen. The blood clot was probably present back then giving her lack of energy and trouble breathing. Hindsight is 20/20.

We were quite the sight that night lying in bed. I had just gotten Lasik surgery the night before and was required to wear what looked like swimming goggles to bed. Sandra was doing quite the circus act with her tossing and turning.

Every hour or so one of us would say to the other, "Are you asleep?"

"No, are you?"

"Nope."

Of course Sandra apologized all night for her tossing. We talked and laughed and probably got only an hour of sleep at best. That's my last memory. I am glad we had that time together.

Today has been a somber day filled with the memories of what took place a year ago. A year ago was a very dark place for me trying to understand why and trying to comprehend what had happened. Today I am at a much better place. Peace has replaced heartache. I have felt her presence at times and can feel her looking down on us from heaven.

I wish I could be with my family as they visit her grave today. My mom said today on the phone that Sandra is probably in heaven with my baby boy that's due soon...probably telling him about the love that awaits him and warning him of the endless energy Austin has. I am grateful for the new compassion that I found from going through this. I miss her. I miss her bright green eyes and infectious laugh. I know I will see her again.