Ward Film Festival

Last night was our ward film festival. Although there were some good films this year, it was really hard to beat the Napoleon Dynamite movie from last year that was AWESOME!. The Young Women held a silent auction to raise money for girls camp. I sent John home to get something I forgot and he came back with our fish to auction off. We never named the fish and he didn't get the love he deserved, so it was probably for the better. The fish ended up going for $1 to a little girl. I scored a new Pampered Chef tool and a babysitting coupon. Over all, we made decent money off the auction.

Austin and McKenna enjoying their popcorn!






Austin and Mckenna disappeared for a while and we found them along with all the ward kids in the nursery in a mess of popcorn all over the floor. Naughty...naughty...

On a more serious note, one of the films shown at the festival was by the Nevilles. I debated blogging about this but felt like since this a journal of events and feelings in my life that it was okay to do so. Jen and Scott Neville are friends of ours who tried for a very long time to have kids. Finally, they were pregnant with a little girl due the week after Brock. A couple days before I had Brock I learned that their baby girl Olivia had died. Of course it hit home. No one wanted to tell me since I was due in a couple of days and they didn't want to upset me. If it could happen to her why couldn't it happen to me. I was overwhelmed with emotion. The Nevilles retreated from the ward and said that they appreciated everyone's concern but asked that no one contact them. They were not at the film festival but showed a film that was a touching letter to their daughter Olivia which ended with a picture of her casket. I think it was a type of closure for them. I can't explain to you how guilty I felt holding Brock while watching that film. They would have been the same age. There was not a dry eye in the room.

My brother Lance lost his baby girl Karmen and I watched first hand how hard it was for them. My son Austin is named after John's brother who died as a baby and I know that it was very traumatic for their family. It is so hard to see people you care about suffer with something that in no way can you come close to understanding unless you yourself have been through it. That's a trial I don't know if I could have handled. Here is a poem that I came across when Olivia died and wanted to mail it to Jen but wanted to respect her privacy.

What Makes A Mother?

I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today.
I asked, "What makes a Mother?", and I know I heard him say....
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?

"Yes you can!", He replied with confidence in his voice.
"I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day-
And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here."
He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile with other kids and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear,
My Mommy Loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here..

I feel so lucky to have a Mom, who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly, My mommy set me free.
'I miss my Mommy, oh so much but I visit her each day...
when she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one, your child is okay.
Your baby is here in my home; And this is where he'll stay.
He will wait for you with me, until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home; he'll be at the gates for you.

So, now you see what makes a Mother, it's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of; right from the very start.

By Jennifer Wasik.

Austin, Karmen, and Olivia...we miss you.