I have Vada syndrome. Remember the little girl Vada in the movie My Girl who always thinks she's dying. That's me.
At night I find myself thinking about Sandra and how she died and I feel like I can't breathe. Literally, my breaths get short and my chest feels like it's closing in. Although I've never had an anxiety attack but I pretty sure that's what they're like. Even as I'm writing this I feel it coming on.
I know I'm overacting. Or am I? The tendency to have blood clots is genetic. My brother Kyle has had some problems with them in the past and after Sandra passed away all of us were told to get tested. I need to do that. Maybe it will give me a little peace of mind.
They believe the other factor in her death was her birth control. The day of the viewing they told us they were going to do an autopsy for an investigation on the birth control since several girls had died suddenly at a young age from blood clots after just a few weeks of using it. It ended up being out of their jurisdiction so they weren't able to follow through. Please, for me, if you are using Yasmin birth control, STOP.
It's been a month today since Sandra passed away. I feel like I have come a long way on the road to peace. But everyday is different...good days and hard days. Today's been a hard day. I keep waiting for her to walk in the door. I still can't believe she's gone. I take that back. When I'm around Anthony and Nick I am very aware that she is gone. I see their pain is even greater than mine. I see Nick yearning for a mother to take care of him as he watches me mother my boys and it makes me ache. I can love him but I can't replace his mom. That is hard.
One thing that has really helped me is to have my other sisters to talk this through. We get one another. We all can't sleep at night and a couple of them have Vada syndrome too. I am so thankful for them. My sisters truly understand what it's like to lose a sister. Not just any sister, our sister.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Vada Syndrome
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10 comments:
I seriuosly cannot imagine the feelings you are having, and how hard it must be. You are an amazing girl and I am sure her boys know your love for them. I don't think you are imagining it I think your feelings are real and part of the healing process, it is wonderful you have your family to talk it through and help one another. If you need anything call me. Thanks for the advice on birth control...I am a total believer that it is not good for you.
I'm TOTALLY on YASMINE! (only the generic version that just recently came out). In fact, I'm also involved in a 5 year survey/study on women taking Yasmine and whether they have blood clots. I have to fill out the survey every 6 months and send it in. I guess that should have been a deterrent to taking that birth control? Anyway, thank you for disclosing the name of the birth control that your sister was on - I'll stop taking that one right away!
True that Christy. I am glad you have your sisters.
Oh Christy....I heart hurts for you. I can't imagine what you must feel right about now. Rob's sister died of a blood clot at 28 and they told them it was from her birth control she was on it trying to regulate her cycle to get pregnant. I will say an extra prayer for you tonight.It's great you are so close with your sisters and mom to comfort each other.
that must be so hard. i cant imagine what it would be like - i guess there's no way to really understand unless you go through it yourself. you're lucky to have such a close fam and to be able to talk with your sisters - that's a real blessing when something like this happens.
I can't imagine the loss you must feel right now. I am so glad you have people close to you to help you through this difficult time. Thanks for the birth control advice, I am trying to get my body normal again after it has REALLY screwed me up.
you and john have so many people who love you and would do anything they could to help you. SOOOO many people love you. I even get a little competitive with them! :) You are making the absolute best of a difficult time, telling people and making them aware. It just shows how much you care about everyone else. Your nephew is going to miss his mom no doubt, but how lucky is he to have so many aunts and uncles to love and support him the rest of his life? Lucky boy.
Family is amazing they are such blessings to have.
Usually when your anxiety is really high and you have a hard time breathing, that is a panic attack. People think they are psychological, but they are physiological - something really is causing your body to have a reaction. Panic attacks can be so scary. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time Christy. I try to think of what it would be like so I can empathize better, but honestly it's too painful to allow myself to go there. Thank goodness for family and the gospel. I hope you can find the peace you need to continue on. Know that you are loved and thought of often.
Kristy- I only know you by association, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I've worked in the medical field for about 10 years (plus all the girls in my family have been diagnosed with Factor V) so I wanted to give some info on what I've learned about blood clots/birth control. In my opinion, EVERY woman who wishes to take birth control should be tested for the genetic mutation called FVL or Factor V (five) Leiden. Knowledge is power in this case. Ony estrogen based birth control has been specifically linked to clots in FVL patients, but I choose to stay away from progesterone based options as well. A good website for info is fvleiden.org. Please email me if you have any questions. jmhip@yahoo.com. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Mandee Hipwell (Sharee's cousin)
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